Thursday, August 25, 2011

When we want your opinion, West Coast, we'll ask for it

West Coasters are already making light of Tuesday’s 5.8 quake. (
So that didn’t take long.
You know what, I’m gonna give ’em this one.
If they need to believe they’re better than us for a day, I say go for it. We’ll take the other 364.
Because it’s funny that the East Coast isn’t prepared for earthquakes. We’re too busy running the damn country to reinforce our skyscrapers.
What we are prepared for are blizzards, ice storms and hurricanes. God knows, if one inch of snow fell on Southern California the entire Western seaboard would shut down.
I mean, you voted the Terminator as your governor! And we’re supposed to take your opinion seriously?
Your biggest city doesn’t even have an NFL team! Really?
We just hand out NFL franchises here on the East Coast -- even to our shitty cities. Why else would anyone want to go to Buffalo or Jacksonville?
And you know what, if I was that high on medicinal marijuana I probably wouldn’t have been scared during the earthquake either.
So shut up, West Coast. We don't care what you think, ever.
And the baffling thing is, I don’t know how West Coasters found the time to criticize us, with all their psychotherapist appointments and the hours they spend each day making the rest of us feel guilty for not driving hybrids.
Go back to your café lattes. Go back to your screenplays and life coaches. We don’t care what you think about us.
You’re three hours behind us for a reason, West Coast.

No comments:

Post a Comment